A photo journal comprised of my thoughts on motherhood and other life happenings, as well as some of professional work as a photographer. Southern California is home.
As parents, especially as first time parents, we want to do everything right. We’re impressionable. We read books and blogs and take advice from everyone around us to heart. And then, at some point, a metamorphosis occurs and we realize that all along we had something more valuable than research or advice; we have instinct.
Sure, I backed my decision to try for a home birth with research I valued. But, as many of you know, for every research article there is supporting home birth, there’s another one to tear it to shreds. So really, it was never a decision based solely on research, but instead on my instinct that a home birth was right for me. It’s where I felt comfortable.
This post is not about home birth. It’s about instinct over research.
When my in-laws were in town, I listened as my father-in-law explained that there is a direct correlation between eating ice cream and drowning. When looking at the statistic, one is led to believe that if they eat ice cream, the chances they may drown in a pool of water are higher. In actuality, the two are related only through the fact they are both prevalent during summer. The statistic does not, however, even mention summer, which is the key ingredient, wouldn’t you say?
Nothing is as valuable as your instinct. I’ve never gotten lost from trusting my gut. Parenting has taught me that time and time again. I no longer rely on research, I rely on myself.
How about you? Were you influenced heavily by research / advice as a new mom? Do you value your instinct?
3 Responses
The first time around I researched online, read books, and pretty much stressed out way too much about doing everything the “right” way. Finally I relied on what felt right and ignored the rest. I was more relaxed and less stressed out, although it would come in waves (Purees v. Baby Led Weaning, CIO or not). I kind of wish the internet hadn’t even existed because I would have had less anxiety if I had just stayed away from it.
I wholeheartedly agree with this. Instinct is so important in mothering and not letting yourself stray from your them is probably most important in parenting. I’ve always made my mothering decisions based on instinct and then followed them up with a boatload of research to support my instincts.
Early on in the parenting journey, I think most of us are just trying to form our opinions and “instincts” as we haven’t had to think about things like birthing, bathing, feeding, diapering, and all that comes with being responsible for a new being.
This is a very interesting topic and I think it is great that you are talking about it. In my experience I don’t think we talk about mother’s instinct enough amongst each other or in our culture.
I have 2 young children and I am also a neonatal nurse. I have always known I wanted to me a mom. I was the kid playing with baby dolls until I was 10, maybe even 11. My mom is the oldest of 9, I am very close with her as well as my maternal grandmother. “Mothering” has always been a visible example for me. I became a neonatal nurse years before I became a mother. I have watched hundreds of women become mothers. When it came time for me to become a mother I had a great deal of education and experience to use to my advantage.
I think with your first, and the times we live in today it is very easy to have enough time to fixate on certain issues without listening to your gut and following your instincts. The biggest lesson I learned with my first child is that she is a person, who was born with a personality. It sounds funny when I read it back now but with my background I honestly had not thought much about my child’s personality prior to her birth and my interaction with her. Once I accepted the fact that we were in a “relationship” as mother and daughter I decided to forget all the reading and researching and listen to MY instincts. I don’t always know the exact “right” thing to do in every moment but I know that I am her mother and I know what is best for her, always.
My second child is very easy going and laid back, where my first and high energy and a perfectionist. I will always wonder how much of their personalities are genetic versus environmental?
As parents, especially as first time parents, we want to do everything right. We’re impressionable. We read books and blogs and take advice from everyone around us to heart. And then, at some point, a metamorphosis occurs and we realize that all along we had something more valuable than research or advice; we have instinct.
The first time around I researched online, read books, and pretty much stressed out way too much about doing everything the “right” way. Finally I relied on what felt right and ignored the rest. I was more relaxed and less stressed out, although it would come in waves (Purees v. Baby Led Weaning, CIO or not). I kind of wish the internet hadn’t even existed because I would have had less anxiety if I had just stayed away from it.
I wholeheartedly agree with this. Instinct is so important in mothering and not letting yourself stray from your them is probably most important in parenting. I’ve always made my mothering decisions based on instinct and then followed them up with a boatload of research to support my instincts.
Early on in the parenting journey, I think most of us are just trying to form our opinions and “instincts” as we haven’t had to think about things like birthing, bathing, feeding, diapering, and all that comes with being responsible for a new being.
This is a very interesting topic and I think it is great that you are talking about it. In my experience I don’t think we talk about mother’s instinct enough amongst each other or in our culture.
I have 2 young children and I am also a neonatal nurse. I have always known I wanted to me a mom. I was the kid playing with baby dolls until I was 10, maybe even 11. My mom is the oldest of 9, I am very close with her as well as my maternal grandmother. “Mothering” has always been a visible example for me. I became a neonatal nurse years before I became a mother. I have watched hundreds of women become mothers. When it came time for me to become a mother I had a great deal of education and experience to use to my advantage.
I think with your first, and the times we live in today it is very easy to have enough time to fixate on certain issues without listening to your gut and following your instincts. The biggest lesson I learned with my first child is that she is a person, who was born with a personality. It sounds funny when I read it back now but with my background I honestly had not thought much about my child’s personality prior to her birth and my interaction with her. Once I accepted the fact that we were in a “relationship” as mother and daughter I decided to forget all the reading and researching and listen to MY instincts. I don’t always know the exact “right” thing to do in every moment but I know that I am her mother and I know what is best for her, always.
My second child is very easy going and laid back, where my first and high energy and a perfectionist. I will always wonder how much of their personalities are genetic versus environmental?