Alone in the Night.

It’s 5am as I write this and I can’t sleep. This has been a usual occurrence for the last few nights. It happens right around 4am when I have to get up and pee for the second time and when the left side of my lower back is throbbing to the point of no relief despite position change or the rearrangement of the various sized pillows surrounding me. And then I start thinking. What a mistake, right? And once the wheels start spinning, it’s game over.
I remember getting to this point when I was pregnant with Hooper. The point where scheduling lunch dates and planning day trips to the beach not only got exhausting, but also seemed to inhibit my ability to go into labor. I have this weird notion that in order to start having painful contractions, the kind you can’t talk through, I need to be sitting at home willing them on. I know this is the furthest thing from the truth and is instead a rationalization for giving way to my desire to dig a deep hole, wait in it, and not come out until I have a baby in my arms.
So here I am at 5am with the light of morning bringing a new day and an end to my seemingly endless night. Hoping these feelings of anticipation and anxiety subside. Hoping to go into labor. And wanting nothing more to reside in a hole until these two things occur.
I’ll be back tomorrow with a Bits + Pieces post. Wishing everyone a happy Friday and thanking all for the continued support and encouragement.
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7 Responses

  • I remember that tricky time when I would will my brain to turn off and let me go back to sleep. Swirling with all of the what-ifs. Hang in there!

  • Not sure what happened to my last comment on your ‘Hooper’ post. Who knows what I did wrong there!! Anyway just wanted to say hang on in there. I’m sure all will make sense when baby is in your arms and you’ll look back at this post and think ‘what was all that about?!’
    Hope the bits and pieces post spurs on the labour 😉
    good luck xoxo

  • Please remember: no matter what, you’re almost there!!!!!! Two weeks from now you will sit with Van in your arms and all the anxiety will be gone. Hope time until labour flies by for you!

  • Hi lovely one,

    I just started following your blog this week (via oh dear drea) – seems like I have popped over at just the right time – when a beautiful, new life is about to enter our world. your family is adorable & i look forward to tuning in to see all the good things that unfold. thanks for sharing. Best wishes for the upcoming week!

    ash xx (27 years old, wife to Marty, mama to Lola (22 months) living in beautiful Australia)


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