It’s 5am as I write this and I can’t sleep. This has been a usual occurrence for the last few nights. It happens right around 4am when I have to get up and pee for the second time and when the left side of my lower back is throbbing to the point of no relief despite position change or the rearrangement of the various sized pillows surrounding me. And then I start thinking. What a mistake, right? And once the wheels start spinning, it’s game over.
I remember getting to this point when I was pregnant with Hooper. The point where scheduling lunch dates and planning day trips to the beach not only got exhausting, but also seemed to inhibit my ability to go into labor. I have this weird notion that in order to start having painful contractions, the kind you can’t talk through, I need to be sitting at home willing them on. I know this is the furthest thing from the truth and is instead a rationalization for giving way to my desire to dig a deep hole, wait in it, and not come out until I have a baby in my arms.
So here I am at 5am with the light of morning bringing a new day and an end to my seemingly endless night. Hoping these feelings of anticipation and anxiety subside. Hoping to go into labor. And wanting nothing more to reside in a hole until these two things occur.
I’ll be back tomorrow with a Bits + Pieces post. Wishing everyone a happy Friday and thanking all for the continued support and encouragement.