Portrait Series | January

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

01.31.201701.29.2017

A portrait of my family once a month in 2016

Willy: Used some choice four letter words to a woman who gave us the stink eye, followed by the finger, after Sonny let out a few ridiculously excited, albeit loud, sheiks at a restaurant we love but will no longer be returning to.

Hooper: Sported pull-ups during his third bout with a stomach bug cuz, hashtag shits, no giggles. Two days after he recovered he made himself lunch that consisted of moldy sandwich meat and proceeded to tell me, “don’t worry, I ate around the dark circles”.

Van: Attests that if you put onion in your eye it makes your eyes ‘sour’.

Sonny: Pooped out a small green lego.

Me: Got hit on at the 99 cent store while visiting a friend in the Valley. It’s worth noting.

Jimmie: Refuses to eat his own barf despite my encouragement for him to do so.

Portrait Series | October

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

10.31.201610.30.2016

A portrait of my family once a month in 2016

Willy: Turned Van’s sour-morning-mood with a game of pull-my-finger. Also spent last night watching rats in the backyard and is gloating over his homemade rat trap.

Hooper: In recognition that I could do more at once with more hands, told me he wished I had 100 hands. Also confessed that he’s been hiding candy in his underwear.

Van: You could measure the fun he’s had in a day by how much pee you can ring out of his pants. Hashtag: pee breaks are for losers. Also called me a punk and then proceeded to ask if punk is a bad word.

Sonny: Has replaced his morning whale flaps with the cutest raspberries. And manly farts.

Me: Got called out by one of Hooper’s little friends who told a uniformed firefighter that I allow Van to have soda, pointing out the fact that soda ‘has sugar in it’ and is ‘bad’ for you.

Jimmie: Has taken to spending most nights alone in the spare bedroom. If you knew how dependent he was you’d understand why this is so perplexing.

Portrait Series 2016 | May

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

05.31.201605.30.2016

A portrait of my family once a month in 2016

Willy: Had a meal he bought for a homeless man rejected because he said he was going vegan. He gave him $5 instead.

Hooper: Said he wants another baby and asked if he can give me his ‘seed’ instead of ‘papas’.

Van: Threatened to kick me in the penis if I didn’t give him a dollar.

Sonny: Finally took notice of who has been breastfeeding him. You know when they lock eyes with you and gently release your nipple from their mouth and smile as if to say ‘I see you now’.

Me: Dreading the biweekly shower I take because I’m starting to notice more hair coming out. So much for encapsulating my placenta.

Jimmie: Room clearing gas.

Fifty Three

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

12.31.201512.30.2015

A Portrait of my family, once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Willy: Finally emptied his suitcase from Cuba. I’d like to think it was an attempt to hold onto memories he didn’t want to forget, but it’s pretty consistent with his track record. In fact, the majority of the days of the year you’ll find a half filled suitcase next to his bedside.

Hooper: Requires a napkin with nearly every meal for even the slightest bit of yogurt or sauce that lands outside the perimeters of his mouth. Quite contrary to Van who sits across the table using his strawberry yogurt to make a red nose, “wyke roodof”.

Van: Used my belly as a pseudo ski jump for his army man. Apparently my boobs are too saggy to be considered good jumping off points.

Me: Neck pain. That’s all I can say about myself and the last week or so. As a side note, I love that the setting for our family portrait is flipped… a mirror image, if you will, offering just the hint of foreshadowing needed to end the year (we switched things around in this room to allow for a more inviting space for the new baby’s crib).

Jimmie: Seems to have transitioned from sleeping the first few hours of the night on our bed to sleeping the entire night (and most of the day, really) on our bed. In the beginning, he was quick to move with a little nudge but lately it’s like moving a boulder. My feet are extra warm and my legs, extra cramped. But look at him… always with his family… perhaps the only member that never needed a formal invitation to show up to one of these family portraits.

Weekly (errr, not really though) recap: This is my third consecutive year doing a weekly portrait of some kind. I held myself to no true commitment in terms of it being weekly or monthly and I think that helped save some sanity for all of us. I’m happy to have completed the year and to have stuck with it. We dropped the weekly resolutions that started along with this project at some point, I suspect out of fear of pulling that ever-looming “no TV for a week” written note from the jar. The moral of the story is this: sure, there are things we could improve upon… having our bed made daily, for example, would be phenomenal. But all in all, we’re happy and in the end having our bed made or not made doesn’t really have any hindrance on that. So ba humbug to resolutions.

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy New Years. And if you care to check out this series in it’s entirety, you can click on the icon below. Not sure I’ll be doing a 52 week project for 2016 as I’m prepping to lessen some loads 😉

Forty Five

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

11.05.201511.04.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Willy: Tried blaming a fart-in-public on me but both boys called him out and said, “but mama doesn’t fart that much”.

Hooper: Made a necklace for a little girl in his class and actually gave it to her. He’s colored many pictures for her too but none have made it into her hands. Can’t believe this crush thing happens so early.

Van: Insists on wearing this sweatshirt despite the still-summer-like weather (minus the cold front that seems to have just rolled in). He asked me to take his shirt off yesterday, claiming he was too hot and thus needed his sweatshirt. His love for the sweatshirt is real but his reasoning is a bit skewed.

Me: Was coasting through what quickly became the second trimester only to now feel like all of my insides are going to fall out of my vagina at any moment.

Jimmie: Barfed but then cleaned it up himself. I told the boys to take notes.

Thirty Four

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

08.20.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Willy: Stepped in dog poop. It wasn’t Jimmie’s.

Hooper: Killed a moth, by accident, then sadly said, “I’m gonna put him here on the rock so he can grow back”.

Van: Learned how to use a pencil sharpener and referred to his pencil as “getting a haircut”. Speaking of haircuts, he needs one.

Me: Gosh it’s hard to write about yourself without saying how much you have to do or how tired you are. Who’s with me? My heart is happy, my desk is messy. How’s that?

Jimmie: Has the fastest tongue in the west, no doubt. Also is able to lick his butt. You do the math.

Twenty Eight

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

07.16.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Willy: “Vogue”, by Madonna, came on the radio. Willy turned and looked at me and inquired, “Paula Abdul?” and when I gave a look of ridiculous disgust he quickly tried to correct himself and inquired, “Janet Jackson”?

Hooper: Told me he loves Fridays because it sounds like french fries.

Van: Has been going through at least three pairs of underwear a day because he insists on dribbling before he, um, shoots and then refuses to wear anything with even the slightest amount of dribble.

Me: Got my hair caught in the fan of the hairdryer. Twice.

Jimmie: Has served as the intended target of the boys’ nerf gun attacks, but remains a good sport, always.

Honored to have the folks over at Let the Kids reach out to me about featuring this series. You can check it out by clicking here.

Twenty Five

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

06.23.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Willy: Spent Father’s Day alone with the boys because I had to work. Also bought himself a new gun, so, well, retail therapy.

Hoop: Killed a moth, by accident. Then sadly said, “I’m gonna put him here on the rock so he can grow back”.

Van: Insisted on wearing his backpack into a restaurant because his back “could get cold”. Also insisted on wearing his hiking boots to bed because, well, his feet could get cold. Ooooobviously.

Me: Plucked three grey hairs. I can account for the birth of each one. I can account for the birth of a million more, I’m just waiting to find them.

Jimmie: Stayed with my lovely parents while we were in Montana and enjoyed all the extra walks and attention. That’s not to say he didn’t greet us with an anxious / nervous barf… because he did and if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be Jimmie.

Twenty Two

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

06.03.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Willy: Cleaned out several things from the garage; old door panels we took parts from for the Jeep, an extra windshield, an old weight bench, and several other odds n’ ends. He packed it all up into the back of the truck, where it sat all week. I hoped someone would come by and steal some of it, but I’ve become more and more convinced of the goodness in people because every time I hope something gets stolen, it never does. I thought I’d be writing this update and that the stuff would still be in the back of the damn truck, but lo and behold Willy finally got around to calling a hauling company to come pick it up.

Hooper: Will be starting transitional kindergarten in the fall at a new school. He’s not stoked about leaving his friends and when I confirmed the fact that his best buddy won’t be at his new school he whimpered and told me, “mama, water’s coming out my eyes”. And, it was.

Van: Got upset with Hooper for taking his sticks, declaring “Imma gonna remove your bones and blood”. Also, refuses to eat certain meals and with a plate of food in front of him declares he is “full” and goes on to request a snack in the same sentence. Snacks > meals, in the world of Van. And me, too, if you’re asking.

Me: Hand dyed the dress I’m wearing in this picture because Madewell is not made so well. In any event, my hands would lead you to believe I’m part smurf from all the dying I’ve been doing lately.

Jimmie: Has been officially kicked off our bed due to his middle of the night antics.

Twenty One

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

05.26.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Willy: Is no longer super stoked by this series but is being a good-ish sport about it nonetheless. Also got his hair trimmed; he’s holding strong on growing his hair out — something I only support because I don’t want to hear him bitch about why I let him cut his hair when he does give in and – in turn – misses his long lovely manly locks.

Hooper: I swear someone has given him meth or speed or whatever amps you up because he has been a torpedo the last few days; eating like mad, forgoing his nap (insert sad face), and buzzing around like spinning top.

Van: Thinks attaching the word ‘poop’ to just about anything constitutes a joke; like when we drove through a tunnel the other day and he said, ‘tunnel poop’, and proceeded to giggle to himself.

Me: I’ve been overly exhausted, trying to get back on track I suppose. Willy granted me an hour and half nap the other day, which was heavenly. I went on to finish six loads of laundry that day so sometimes I just need a little juice in the ol’ engine. Also, I have the smallest head and I feel like my head is swimming anytime I wear a hat. I’m considering trolling the junior sections for a smaller one — unless someone knows of a hat that comes in a very small x-small?

Jimmie: Has been wandering our room at night and has thus landed himself back in the crate to sleep. If he’d just stay perched at the end of our bed like he used to, he’d have a nice warm cuddle session with our feet. But, you know, there’s not talking sense to him.

Weekly Resolution: We were supposed to have a vegetable each night at dinner. All these resolutions seem manageable in theory… but in reality we are rarely home for dinner all seven days of the week. With that said, we missed a few days and there was also the day we had the neighbors over for pizza so we missed that day too. We suck at this resolution bit, but our intentions are good.

Twenty

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

05.15.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Willy: Gifted me a trip to visit Janet for Mother’s Day. We’re in the Dominican Republic right now, actually, celebrating some of his resent accomplishments through work, so he’s making big waves in my world this week. So grateful, so proud.

Hooper: Woke up in the middle of the night looking for one of his stuffed animals. If you saw how many things this kid sleeps with, you’d know why I’m considering barricading him in with toddler rails on both sides. It would sure beat having to get up in the middle of the night to retrieve a fallen monkey, or book, or stick, or ??

Van: Insists on wearing his high top Converse. I’m sure I’ve mentioned the fact that the jokes on me because I thrifted them for $3 and they’ve caused nothing but trouble. His interest in them has hit a new height; he insists on wearing them all the time despite the fact they are a size too small and require you to unlace them entirely just to get his foot in. He even insisted on wearing them during his nap. He woke up mid-nap crying for me to tie one of the laces that had become untied. He later woke up butt booty naked, having had taken off all of his clothes, but those trusty Converse? They were still on.

Me: Had a booth at the Mermade Market last week, which was exciting to be a part of. Did any of you attend? It was nice that I didn’t have to be there and nice to have the inventory that didn’t sell folded, tagged, and ready to go. So, a win-win.

Jimmie: Is rather reluctantly adjusting to all of our coming and going as of late. But he’s officially the-dog-that-sleeps-with-us-in-bed, something neither Hooper nor Van can say much about, so… I try not to feel too guilty.

Weekly Resolution: Whatta know? We’re gone again… so no picking from the jar until next week, when hopefully I can get caught up with laundry and grocery shopping and cleaning and, well, life in general.

Nineteen

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

05.11.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, for most of the weeks, in 2015

Playing catch up here…

Willy: Caught more crabs than we had buckets for.

Hooper: Pronounces “lobster” as “whompster” and “hibiscus” as “hibiscuit”. Also told me he needed a tissue because a booger was coming out and it was “running fast”. Told a stranger on the beach a long and embellished story about a “mean whale” that comes and eats buckets on the beach when no one is looking… only the story was much longer, included lots of hand motions, and was told as one run-on sentence.

Van: I asked Van, as I periodically do, what he wants to do when he grows up. He said he wants to be a cowboy, which he’s said before, after he gave up on his dreams of becoming a turtle. But when asked what he wanted to do as a cowboy, he said he wanted to pick pumpkins.

Me: Spent the kids’ nap time poolside, everyday.

Jimmie: Per the photos we saw, enjoyed his dog sitter. He greeted her (after we got home and she came over to drop off the key) by peeing on her leg.

Weekly Resolution: We resolved to enjoy our vacation. It wasn’t hard.

Sixteen

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

04.17.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

Willy: Was golfing when I took these photos. Ya snooze, ya lose.

Hooper: Asked if it’s going to be Christmas soon. Twice. He says he wants a new dump truck (the wheels on his old one fell off). Also refers to a roly poly coming out of it’s ball as a roly poly ‘hatching’.

Van: Suddenly became interested in potty training and likes to pick out his big boy choines on his own. He refers to the small slit in boys underwear as a ‘pocket’ and makes his selection based on the biggest ‘pocket’ and then proceeds to stick his toy cars in the slit. Also, told me he was going to fart on me and then – sure enough – turned around, put his butt on my leg, and farted on me. Twice.

Me: I have too many sunglasses, really, but my favorite pair are the cheapest pair and the only pair that essentially cannot be replaced. I bought them from the Melrose Flea Market years ago. They have gone missing several times; like the time I couldn’t find them for months, blamed it on our move, and begrudgingly accepted the possibility of never finding them again. Only then they turned up in the undercarriage of the stroller, that we never use. Well, on Monday, I stepped on them. Gone for good.

Jimmie: Played with a boxer puppy at the dog park and then came home and peed in the house twice. That happens when he’s too tired to get up and ring his bell. And yes, he has a bell he rings. He’s not so dumb after all, is he?

Fifteen

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

04.10.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, every week except for last week, in 2015

Willy: Went hunting around his parent’s yard with his brother in search of black widows (found two) and scorpions all in the name of ‘showing the boys’, but it ought to be noted that no one seemed to get as much pleasure out of his shenanigans than himself and his brother. Funny to watch the big brothers teach the little brothers.

Hooper: Told me he was going to eat me up as part of a goodnight feast. This was right after he told me that I smell good and look tasty. He also said he would cook me in the fire and put peanut butter on me. I told him, “You’re going to be in big trouble, Mister”, to-which-he-replied, “I’m not Mister, I’m Hooper”. And he went to bed.

Van: Confessed that he didn’t make ca-ca, but he did fart and that there may be boogers in his diaper. Not sure what that even means. Also, got in trouble for hitting Jimmie to-which-he argued, “but he’s licking my jammies”. I told him that Jimmie is licking him because he loves him, to-which-he said, “He don’t love jammies, jammies don’t talk”.

Me: Still battling an annoyingly achy neck, but started physical therapy (again) this week and hope to be feeling better soon. Feeling overwhelmed, too, with how busy things are going to be in the next few months. Trying desperately to stay organized while fighting the crankiness that comes with a sore neck.

Jimmie: Got his moment in the spotlight with an instagram campaign for Nutrish Dog Food. Also had several Mexican standoffs with the feral cats in Arizona.

Weekly Resolution: We resolved to open our mail every single day. Fortunately we both shrugged this one off, relief filling our veins because we’ve been doing pretty good with keeping up with the mail. We’re both dreading the week we pick that little tiny paper out of the jar that says we can’t watch any TV.

Thirteen

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

03.27.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

Willy: Bounced back surprisingly fast from his trip to Vegas. Also finally used the new smoker he purchased and made some killer chicken wings. I was taking Jimmie for a walk while he was cooking and I’m pretty sure I could smell the applewood smoke from blocks away. If you could eat a camping trip, it’d taste like Willy’s smoked chicken wings. It might be the buy of the century.

Hooper: Was being an a-hole and got threatened with a time out on the patio. He asked how long the time out would be for and Willy told him he may have to spend the whole night out there, to-which-he-begrudgingly replied, “people don’t spend the night out here, roly polies sleep out here”. Then when he saw Willy doing something he wanted to be a part of, he asked to help him. Willy declined, reminding him he was on timeout, to which Hooper replied, “That’s what love is though… like when I help you take suitcases up to the hotel room”. Sometimes it’s hard to keep him in timeout. First borns sure seem to know the way to your heart, don’t they?

Van: Was asked to interpret Jimmie’s barking and stated, “He’s saying he pooped in the refrigerator”. I swear he’s never watched Anchorman.

Me: Have been trying how to navigate how to get the boys to stop hitting me. In the words of one of my favorites, I don’t know if I’m the boxer or the bag.

Jimmie: Barks in the morning when he knows one of us is available to fill his bowl but it remains empty. He’s not too bright, but he’s certainly not dumb.

Twelve

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

03.20.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

Willy: Got stuck juggling working from home and caring for Van, who spent much of Wednesday morning throwing up. I suppose it’s all but forgotten at this point as he got the hell outta dodge and is spending March Madness in Vegas.

Hooper: Has a growing stick collection that he has been toting around with him for weeks. It’s been growing by the day and as I watched him carry his load up to his room in preparation for bedtime, I thought he looked more like someone prepping to build a fire. He also has a sinus infection; the coughing has kept us all up and I think it’s fair to say we’re all exhausted. Taking a family portrait this week was a challenge. We are all grumps right now.

Van: I turned around, my mouth open with wild anticipation, as I watched him try his first strawberry milkshake from In n’ Out. From his backseat car seat, he told me to “turn my face around” and “put my teeth away”. It was the latter that I don’t want to forget. Who tells someone to put their teeth away?

Me: I knew I was in trouble when Willy gave my number to the people at 24 hour fitness. I’ve probably fielded at least 20 calls over the past two weeks. This week, I used my best foreign accent and told them they had the wrong number. I haven’t gotten anymore calls.

Jimmie: Got into the can of dirty diapers.

Weekly resolution: We potted many plants that needed to be potted on our patio this week. Our goal was one plant a day but we potted multiples on a few days. If everyone is feeling better tomorrow and I have the energy, I’m going to tackle the remaining ones.

Eleven

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

03.14.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

Willy: Has been told a lot as of late that he resembles Chris Hemsworth. I had to google who that was.

Hooper: Has been calling himself out on his own farts.

Van: Was playing with a roly poly when Willy noticed it mysteriously disappear. When he asked Van about it he said, “I put it in my nose”. Sure enough, when Willy asked him to blow his nose, out came a roly poly and a booger. Also, first words out of his mouth the other morning were, “Mama, you so pretty”.

Me: Got out of a traffic ticket by going to court. The cop that wrote the ticket didn’t show up so my case was dismissed. I can’t really argue with the fact that I was going over the speed limit – I probably was – but never have I been met with such disrespect and attitude from a person of authority. I went with the intent in mind to urge her to treat people with common courtesy. It seemed rather fitting that she didn’t show.

Jimmie: Has never officially been invited into these family portraits but ends up on the bed with us every time, without fail.

Weekly Resolution: We made an effort not to check our phones while driving. I’m guilty of checking things on my phone at red lights and I annoy myself with this behavior; when did time sitting at a red light become time wasted? A reminder, for me, to slow down; metaphorically, not literally, though I suppose the literal sense would be beneficial too.

Ten

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

03.06.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

I had to include the last one because clearly these are just becoming a debacle.

Willy: Made his first tattoo appointment in over a year; definitely a testament to how busy our lives have been as well as to our move. He came with not one, but two, new tattoos. He had his work done by @chris_de_armas and it looks great. Also spent two nights out in the desert for work, which I’m documenting here for no other reason than the fact that this series is making me fully aware of how often we’re on the move.

Hooper: Saw me whipping up water Van had spilled on the floor and thanked me for cleaning his ‘race track’. Then he told me he had an itch in his butt and scratched it. Also got in trouble at school for saying the word “poop”. After his teacher snitched on him, I spent the entire way home debating if she really had a problem with him saying “poop” or if he dropped the “s*#%” bomb. He also likes to point out the fact that his grandpa refers to “poop” as “feces”, so I considered that as well. I had to tell him that he could use the word “poop” at home but that he cannot use it in the classroom if his teacher does not like it. Trying to navigate the whole respect-your-teacher road. And… declined Van’s invitation to go play downstairs because he wanted to cuddle with me longer. #firstborn

Van: I thrifted a pair of high top converse way back when and bragged about the $3 price tag. Turns out the jokes on me because now Van insists on wearing them and having lace up shoes as opposed to slip on shoes really highlights the lazy mom in me. Or time efficient mom in me. I’ll go with the latter. He refers to them as his “running” shoes and he wants to “run” everywhere. Invited me to smell his fart and then broke into belly laughter when I pretended to vomit.

Me: Spent Monday evening watching the sunset with Tara after several failed attempts versus lazy-maybe-next-time excuses. Walked away thinking two things: 1. Man, her kids have mad love for her. I hope she can drop me her secrets to her ‘mom rocks’ ways, and 2. Not sure why we waited so long — instant friendship.

Jimmie: Didn’t pee on our neighbor and her friend when they stopped by. That’s noteworthy.

Weekly Resolution: We had the boys pick up their toys most nights. And they did so, for the most part, without much complaint; they always started out eager to help and then got whiny when I’d start pointing out the stuff that still needed to be put away. Hooper also helped me empty the dishwasher, which was actually really helpful. The silverware drawer is in disarray, but I don’t complain about jobs I didn’t have to do, so whatever.

Nine

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

02.27.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

Willy: Got a gym membership and is now out of commission with a pulled muscle in his back. This comes right on the heels of me pulling a muscle in my back. We look like two hunched over elderly people walking around and have spoken often of the good ol’ days when we used to do soccer (him) and gymnastics (me); pretty much we’re getting older.

Hooper: While eating his peanut butter and jelly sandwich paused and inquired about the jelly coming from jellyfish.

Van: Had a large amount of snot coming out of his nose, fell, and stood up with dirt caked on to the snot and a blood coming out of the other nostril. His first bloody nose is in the books. Also, he has poop in his pants in this picture.

Me: Spent most of the week in Utah with Janet where we learned that nothing is as easy as it was before kids.

Jimmie: Enjoyed the one on one treatment he received from Willy while the kids and I were in Utah. I received several text images of him and Willy engaged in some serious canoodling.

Weekly Resolution: We skipped doing a resolution this week because we were away from home. We picked from the jar for next week, however, and will be asking the boys to pick up all of their toys before bed. Cheers to (hopefully) a clean (er) house.

Eight

by Ashley filed under A Portrait A Week Project

02.20.2015

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

Willy: Gripped about having to be that guy with 20 things to ship at the post office. I suppose it’s time for us to figure out a better shipping method but it’s awfully entertaining watching him come home with the ‘yeah-I-was-that-asshole’ look on his face. He’s a trooper and such a help, really.

Hooper: Came home from preschool talking about going down the slide with a little girl he’s been talking a lot about as of late.

Van: I ended a phone call early when I heard Van yelling / crying downstairs. When I got down there, I found him with the oven mitt on his hand, trying to pick up his cars. He was pissed because it wasn’t working out for him.

Me: Stayed by myself in a hotel right off the freeway near a conference I had to be at for work. The back of my key had four tips; always use the deadbolt, secure your valuables, report suspicious persons, and never open the door prior to verifying ID. I was a bit sketched out until I found their magnifying mirror; then I was just pissed I didn’t bring my tweezers.

Jimmie: Found the ear plug I was looking for in his dump. Willy offered to clean it off for me. I declined his offer.

Weekly Resolutions: We were supposed to exchange 15 minute back rubs each night. I didn’t happen. Not even once. Maybe we’re not cut out for this resolution stuff.

Start typing

April 2024

A Mother's Journal

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Willy: Stepped in dog poop. It wasn’t Jimmie’s.

Hooper: Killed a moth, by accident, then sadly said, “I’m gonna put him here on the rock so he can grow back”.

Van: Learned how to use a pencil sharpener and referred to his pencil as “getting a haircut”. Speaking of haircuts, he needs one.

Me: Gosh it’s hard to write about yourself without saying how much you have to do or how tired you are. Who’s with me? My heart is happy, my desk is messy. How’s that?

Jimmie: Has the fastest tongue in the west, no doubt. Also is able to lick his butt. You do the math.

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Willy: “Vogue”, by Madonna, came on the radio. Willy turned and looked at me and inquired, “Paula Abdul?” and when I gave a look of ridiculous disgust he quickly tried to correct himself and inquired, “Janet Jackson”?

Hooper: Told me he loves Fridays because it sounds like french fries.

Van: Has been going through at least three pairs of underwear a day because he insists on dribbling before he, um, shoots and then refuses to wear anything with even the slightest amount of dribble.

Me: Got my hair caught in the fan of the hairdryer. Twice.

Jimmie: Has served as the intended target of the boys’ nerf gun attacks, but remains a good sport, always.

Honored to have the folks over at Let the Kids reach out to me about featuring this series. You can check it out by clicking here.

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Willy: Spent Father’s Day alone with the boys because I had to work. Also bought himself a new gun, so, well, retail therapy.

Van: Insisted on wearing his backpack into a restaurant because his back “could get cold”. Also insisted on wearing his hiking boots to bed because, well, his feet could get cold. Ooooobviously.

Me: Plucked three grey hairs. I can account for the birth of each one. I can account for the birth of a million more, I’m just waiting to find them.

Jimmie: Stayed with my lovely parents while we were in Montana and enjoyed all the extra walks and attention. That’s not to say he didn’t greet us with an anxious / nervous barf… because he did and if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be Jimmie.

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Hooper: Will be starting transitional kindergarten in the fall at a new school. He’s not stoked about leaving his friends and when I confirmed the fact that his best buddy won’t be at his new school he whimpered and told me, “mama, water’s coming out my eyes”. And, it was.

Me: Hand dyed the dress I’m wearing in this picture because Madewell is not made so well. In any event, my hands would lead you to believe I’m part smurf from all the dying I’ve been doing lately.

Jimmie: Has been officially kicked off our bed due to his middle of the night antics.

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Hooper: I swear someone has given him meth or speed or whatever amps you up because he has been a torpedo the last few days; eating like mad, forgoing his nap (insert sad face), and buzzing around like spinning top.

Van: Thinks attaching the word ‘poop’ to just about anything constitutes a joke; like when we drove through a tunnel the other day and he said, ‘tunnel poop’, and proceeded to giggle to himself.

Jimmie: Has been wandering our room at night and has thus landed himself back in the crate to sleep. If he’d just stay perched at the end of our bed like he used to, he’d have a nice warm cuddle session with our feet. But, you know, there’s not talking sense to him.

A portrait of my family once a week, most weeks, in 2015

Willy: Gifted me a trip to visit Janet for Mother’s Day. We’re in the Dominican Republic right now, actually, celebrating some of his resent accomplishments through work, so he’s making big waves in my world this week. So grateful, so proud.

Me: Had a booth at the Mermade Market last week, which was exciting to be a part of. Did any of you attend? It was nice that I didn’t have to be there and nice to have the inventory that didn’t sell folded, tagged, and ready to go. So, a win-win.

Jimmie: Is rather reluctantly adjusting to all of our coming and going as of late. But he’s officially the-dog-that-sleeps-with-us-in-bed, something neither Hooper nor Van can say much about, so… I try not to feel too guilty.

Weekly Resolution: Whatta know? We’re gone again… so no picking from the jar until next week, when hopefully I can get caught up with laundry and grocery shopping and cleaning and, well, life in general.

A portrait of my family once a week, for most of the weeks, in 2015

Playing catch up here…

Willy: Caught more crabs than we had buckets for.

Van: I asked Van, as I periodically do, what he wants to do when he grows up. He said he wants to be a cowboy, which he’s said before, after he gave up on his dreams of becoming a turtle. But when asked what he wanted to do as a cowboy, he said he wanted to pick pumpkins.

Me: Spent the kids’ nap time poolside, everyday.

Jimmie: Per the photos we saw, enjoyed his dog sitter. He greeted her (after we got home and she came over to drop off the key) by peeing on her leg.

Weekly Resolution: We resolved to enjoy our vacation. It wasn’t hard.

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

Willy: Was golfing when I took these photos. Ya snooze, ya lose.

Hooper: Asked if it’s going to be Christmas soon. Twice. He says he wants a new dump truck (the wheels on his old one fell off). Also refers to a roly poly coming out of it’s ball as a roly poly ‘hatching’.

Jimmie: Played with a boxer puppy at the dog park and then came home and peed in the house twice. That happens when he’s too tired to get up and ring his bell. And yes, he has a bell he rings. He’s not so dumb after all, is he?

A portrait of my family once a week, every week except for last week, in 2015

Jimmie: Got his moment in the spotlight with an instagram campaign for Nutrish Dog Food. Also had several Mexican standoffs with the feral cats in Arizona.

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

Van: Was asked to interpret Jimmie’s barking and stated, “He’s saying he pooped in the refrigerator”. I swear he’s never watched Anchorman.

Me: Have been trying how to navigate how to get the boys to stop hitting me. In the words of one of my favorites, I don’t know if I’m the boxer or the bag.

Jimmie: Barks in the morning when he knows one of us is available to fill his bowl but it remains empty. He’s not too bright, but he’s certainly not dumb.

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

Willy: Got stuck juggling working from home and caring for Van, who spent much of Wednesday morning throwing up. I suppose it’s all but forgotten at this point as he got the hell outta dodge and is spending March Madness in Vegas.

Me: I knew I was in trouble when Willy gave my number to the people at 24 hour fitness. I’ve probably fielded at least 20 calls over the past two weeks. This week, I used my best foreign accent and told them they had the wrong number. I haven’t gotten anymore calls.

Jimmie: Got into the can of dirty diapers.

Weekly resolution: We potted many plants that needed to be potted on our patio this week. Our goal was one plant a day but we potted multiples on a few days. If everyone is feeling better tomorrow and I have the energy, I’m going to tackle the remaining ones.

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

Willy: Has been told a lot as of late that he resembles Chris Hemsworth. I had to google who that was.

Hooper: Has been calling himself out on his own farts.

Jimmie: Has never officially been invited into these family portraits but ends up on the bed with us every time, without fail.

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

I had to include the last one because clearly these are just becoming a debacle.

Jimmie: Didn’t pee on our neighbor and her friend when they stopped by. That’s noteworthy.

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

Hooper: While eating his peanut butter and jelly sandwich paused and inquired about the jelly coming from jellyfish.

Van: Had a large amount of snot coming out of his nose, fell, and stood up with dirt caked on to the snot and a blood coming out of the other nostril. His first bloody nose is in the books. Also, he has poop in his pants in this picture.

Me: Spent most of the week in Utah with Janet where we learned that nothing is as easy as it was before kids.

Jimmie: Enjoyed the one on one treatment he received from Willy while the kids and I were in Utah. I received several text images of him and Willy engaged in some serious canoodling.

Weekly Resolution: We skipped doing a resolution this week because we were away from home. We picked from the jar for next week, however, and will be asking the boys to pick up all of their toys before bed. Cheers to (hopefully) a clean (er) house.

A portrait of my family once a week, every week, in 2015

Hooper: Came home from preschool talking about going down the slide with a little girl he’s been talking a lot about as of late.

Van: I ended a phone call early when I heard Van yelling / crying downstairs. When I got down there, I found him with the oven mitt on his hand, trying to pick up his cars. He was pissed because it wasn’t working out for him.