March Madness Sale

When I was pregnant with Hooper, I use to scour the thrifts and Etsy for cute vintage boys clothes. I’d frequent a lot of the same shops over and over again because I found a few of them consistently had just what I was looking for. I was so stoked the other day to open a package from the lovely Alisha of LishyLoo Vintage and find these adorable pants that she has so generously handed down to us. They appear handmade, with love, with some fraying at the waist that makes me think of all the cuties that have worn these pants before Van, her three adorable children included. In any event, it got me all sentimental. 
If you’re looking for some awesome vintage finds, do yourself a favor and visit her shop. She’s currently having a march madness sale and you can get 20% with the code MARCHMADDNESS. Here are my favorites: This adorable two piece outfit from the 60’s (mostly for those amazing shorts, I mean get outta here!), these Health-Tex overalls (my favorite vintage brand), these Minnetonka moccasins that I wish were in my size, and… waittttt for it… THIS children’s folk jacket that I’m basically drooling over and almost didn’t include because I want to just snatch it up for myself.
Side note: Many congrats to *Misty* for winning the giveaway to Little Pim. Thank you to all who entered!

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Brothers

There was a point in time, mostly around the holidays, that you guys could not keep your hands off one another. I think a lot of it, in hindsight, had to do with all the gifts and new toys. Too many things to fight over. Hooper, you liked to do this drop kick maneuver that inevitably ended with you on top of Van. You guys were at each other non-stop; biting, pushing, shoving, toy-stealing, hair pulling… it seemed ending. You both had battle wounds to show for it; bite marks, bruises, and even some missing tufts of hair. The last few weeks, however, have been much smoother and you guys actually seem to be enjoying one another.  
Van, you get jealous when Hooper and I cuddle. You also do not like sharing my lap with Hooper when I read you guys a book.  
You like to “cheers” your cups together, Van more so than Hooper.  
You have screaming contests. It’s awesome when you do this in public.
Hooper, you see it as your duty to reprimand Van. When I tell Van to stop or scold him, you are quick to jump in and hit him.
Van, your defense is pulling Hooper’s hair. I’ve considered shaving Hooper’s head because it looks so painful.  
Every now and again, I’ll catch you guys playing in a room peacefully. My heart practically beats out of my chest when I overhear you, Hooper, teaching your brother something or directing him in some way or another. More and more you guys are becoming friends and it’s a beautiful thing to watch unfold. There are even times, as shown above, that you even  – dare I say – console your little brother.

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Tomorrow he'll move mountains

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears

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I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

-Bob Dylan

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Malibu Creek

Oh there is something to be said for allowing time for boys to be boys. Skipping rocks, collecting sticks, dirt under the nails… it’s all part of childhood and it’s such a beautiful thing. I still need help getting the boys to and fro, but

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regardless, it’s been so nice to be feeling better and getting out a little bit more. I feel as though I’ve been hiding under a rock for the last few months and I much prefer skipping rocks into the creek instead.

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Van @ 18 Months

Growth & Appearance: You’re still a big kid. You look like a 2 year old but waddle like an 18 month old. Your hair is blond and thick. We shave it often. Currently you have a scab on your knee and a scratch of unknown origin the side of your right eye. We can no longer leave you in just a diaper because you take it off every time. Even with shorts on the other day, I saw you trying to pull the thing off. Not sure that it’s quite time to potty train; I think you just like to be naked. 
You have all your teeth, next ones should be the two year molars.
You wear a size 2T clothes / PJ’s, size 6 shoes, size 4 diapers. 
Eating: You’re a tank. You love to eat and waddle as fast as you can over to your high chair as soon as you see food being made. Sometimes you require a snack just to shut you up until the food is ready to be put in front of you. You prefer to have a fork in your hand and are okay at using a spoon, but more times than not you use your hands because you can shovel it in faster.
You’ve consumed entire meals before your brother takes his first bite.
You love blueberries, cereal, carrots, cheese, oatmeal, banana… who am I kidding… there’s really not anything that you don’t like. You love eating ice.Sleeping: You’re still taking two naps a day. You wake up around 8:30 and nap around 10:30 for two hours. You nap again in the afternoon around 4:30 for an hour and a half or so. You’re not the most fun to be around on the days where you miss your nap. 
We’re hoping to switch you over to the bottom bunk. We took you out of the crib and you are now sleeping in a big boy bed in your own room. Eventually we hope to put you and Hooper in the same room. You’ve transitioned out of the crib okay but nap time is more like whack-a-mole. We’ll keep at it, with fingers crossed. You love your blanket, as well as your stuffed animals. But your blanket is a must.
You still suck your thumb and put on your “hand hat” when you’re tired.
Talking: You say a ton of words and communicate well. The other day you handed me your empty sippy cup, asked for my “hand”, told me to “come”, and led me straight to the fridge where you pointed at your sippy cup and whined. You just started saying “thank you”, which is the first time you’ve put two words together. You also say “pee” for “please” and “side” when you want to go outside. Every time we go over a speed bump, you say “bump”.
You follow directions well.
Development: You started a little gym class and go with the nanny since I’m still unable to lift you. She says you’re the tallest in your class and you do well with everything. The balls, she says, are your favorite.
You join in on the bike rides by pushing your feed off the pavement as opposed to pedaling. Your shoes are all warn in from where you push off and one time, when you went out without shoes, you came in with wounds on your big toes from pushing. It won’t be long until you can reach the pedals.
Your laugh is as hearty as can be and seems to come from deep down in your belly. You love to be around laughter and occasionally snort when you laugh; it’s adorable.
You love being chased.
Perhaps it’s a second child thing, but you definitely have a sense of what is yours (of what you want to be yours) and refer to things as “mine”, accompanied with a whine and / or cry.
You’ve discovered that the computer is pretty cool and I can no longer sit at my desk without you climbing onto my lap. Sometimes you simply want to draw with a pen, other times you want to smack all the keys on the keyboard, and other times you request to watch a video on YouTube (you love the Fox Song and any nursery rhyme and all the truck / fire engine videos that your bro loves).
You love to steal my pen and get pissed anytime I’m writing with one and won’t hand it over.
Following in the footsteps of your brother, you love to do what we’ve coined as “the grandfather” (where you walk around hunched over and shuffle your feet like a little old man) and “fancy feet” (where you stomp your feet back and forth in quick succession).
You refuse to go down steps by yourself and ask for one of our hands to hold. You finally did it by yourself the other day, but it took a lot of coaxing.
Favorites: You love to have books read to you over and over and over again. Your favorites are “Goodnight Moon”, “I Know An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly”, and any beginner books that has cars or trucks. You ask me to sit and then plant your little bottom in my lap constantly. You’re fascinated anytime a police car or fire truck goes by with their sirens on and you could sit behind the wheel and pretend to drive the car all day long. You also love to put your hands under the facet in the bathroom. And, of course, you love cars.

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My Everyday

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do

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that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Van @ 15+16 Months

Growth & Appearance: You gained a lot of teeth over this last month. I have yet to take official inventory for fear of my fingers lives, but I believe you have all your molars and canines. I pretty sure you spent the two weeks I was in the hospital teething, so at some point you owe your Papa an apology for your sour moods.
At your well-baby check-up this month you weighed 26.5 lbs and were in the 98th percentile for height. According to the doc, you’re on track to be 6’4 200 lbs. It’s weird to think of you being taller than me. 
Eating: I love that we’re more laid back with  your eating. We pay more attention to what you eat over the course of a week as opposed to a single day. When you’re teething, especially, you don’t eat much. You may skip an entire meal. But the following day you seem to be a bottomless pit. So, we remain laid back. There’s no tricking you into eating more anyhow, when you’re done you’re done and you get pissed when we try to tell you differently.
You hold your cup up for a solid “cheers” several times throughout a meal.
You’re still drinking whole milk and you eat everything we give you.
You don’t even look at your food before filling the palm of your hand and shoving it in your mouth. As soon as you know food is being made, you walk over to your high chair and start whining saying, “chair, chair”. 
Sleeping: You’re a fantastic sleeper. You wake up around 8:30am, nap from 10:30 to 1:15pm, then again from 4-6pm, and go to bed around 8:30pm. We’re talking about moving you and your brother into the same room and I’m hoping your sleep pattern doesn’t suffer as a result. It’s out plan to move you out of the crib and into bunk beds with your brother so we can put all your toys in a room and call it a playroom.
You wake up happy, always.  
Talking: You know a ton of words. Papa and I understand much of what you say, but to other’s I’m pretty sure it sounds like a foreign language. Words we understand: hot, help, down, done, sit, come, broom, outside, car, truck, cookie, dog, trash, thank you, cheers.
If you’re not able to use your “words”, you whine. And you whine a lot. Between your limited vocabulary, your whining, and your directing us by pulling or pointing, it’s pretty clear what you want. You’re a good, though relentless, communicator in that sense. 
Development: I probably should have noted this last month, but boy have you discovered the world above you. A plane does not fly overhead that you don’t notice.
You are determined to get what you want and show your emotions when things don’t go your way. Toddlerhood seems to be just around the corner.
You know where your ears, hair, head, belly, and eyes are. For whatever reason, you’re having a hard time with your nose.
Your personality is fun and you’re always looking to laugh. I’ll even catch you mid-meltdown, make a funny face, and your tears will quickly turn to smiles and laughter.
You yell to get what you want. I suppose this is typical second child antics. When you finish your milk, for example, you wave your cup up in the air and shriek until someone takes it from you to refill.
You’re able to jump off your two feet.
You love to pick up trash and bring it to the trash can. 
Favorites: You love to mimic Hooper. You watch everything he does and try your hardest to replicate. And so, you love stacking the toy cars on top of  one another. You’re more into the cars than ever before.
You also love the “Fox Song” and drag us over to the computer often repeating “fox” over and over again.
You love your toy broom and dust pan and anything else your brother is playing with. And your giraffe… You ride that thing around the entire block. It’s on it’s last leg.

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Portraits of my children

“The only person you

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are destined to become is the person you decide to be”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

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The Pumpkin Patch

I’m tellin’ y’all, if I could have taken the kids to a Christmas tree lot before my surgery, I would have. As luck would have it, our favorite pumpkin patch opened its doors a few weeks before my surgery. We took the kids on a weekday and practically had the place to ourselves. We rode the ponies, pet the goats and sheep, ran down aisle after aisle of big round pumpkins, and came home with some fresh picked strawberries.
Wishing everyone a Happy Halloween.

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Brothers

Hooper, you’ve taken to holding Van’s hand and leading him around. I’m not gonna lie, I couldn’t wait for Van to walk for the pure joy of watching you walk side by side. It really is a beautiful thing.
When you’re not holding hands, you two are at each other constantly. Hooper, you’re lucky you’re still bigger than your soon-to-be little-big-bro because one of these days he’s going to tackle you. And I may even pretend not to see. You can be so mean at times; biting him, grabbing his arm with all your might (note photo above with your teeth clinched n’ all), pushing him (especially from behind when he has no idea it’s coming), and taking every toy away that he manages to get his hands on. Some days it’s just easier to put on Curious George so we can all have a moment of peace.
Van, you copy everything Hooper does. If he’s fixing his wheel with a hammer, as soon as you can get that hammer, you’ll bend down and mimic exactly what Hooper was doing. You really idolize your big brother and take so much pride in doing the things he does.
Hooper, you like to “help” wash Van in the bathtub. This consists of rubbing soap on his back and dumping water on his head. It’s really a big “help”.
Hooper, you love to hold Van’s cheeks in your hands and say “ca-uuuuut”. You also enjoy giving him a hug and a kiss every night before bed.

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The weekend before

The final days before my surgery felt like a mad-dash. You know the feeling, right? Like I had to squeeze in all I could, filling every crevice of time with something real, something meaningful. My surgery had been weighing on my mind so heavily that I really hadn’t anticipated life after recovery, my brain frozen in time, my calendar cleared with the words “recovery” written in month after month.
So we celebrated my dad and sister’s birthday early, down in Ventura. It was a warm October day, the time of year when the Santa Susana winds howl wildly and the air feels like someone with hot breath is breathing on you. My sister and I took the kids down to the water’s edge where Hooper made cakes out of sand and Van gave himself a sand beard.
And as the last of the light shined in I realized another day had passed and that meant my surgery would be another day closer. The impending feeling of doom, the ambiguity of what would be, all the uncertainty made better only by the company of family and

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An Interview // Hooper & Van

My dad used to ask my sister and I questions when we were younger and record them on a cassette tape. I remember it distinctly because I was around 14 or so and questions like who I had a crush on was beginning to embarass me. He doesn’t have any recollection of where these tapes are but someday, when I have the time, I’d like to dig through his drawers for that buried treasure.
My dear Hooper & Van, I hope one day you look back on these and chuckle. I love you like you’d never believe.
You can check out other videos by clicking here.

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Van @ 14 Months

Growth & Appearance: You push your jaw forward when you smile, cry, or laugh and, at times, we’ve wondered if you have a true under-bite. I don’t think you do, but the way you jet it forward is awfully cute.
You’re very into accessorizing these days and constantly request that we put your shoe on your feet, or a hat on your head, sunglasses on your face, a backpack on your back, or shorts on. You’re perfectly content with just one shoe on and have earned the nickname “one van boot” which we pronounce as “onevinboot”.
We shaved your head. You hair appears toe-head blond now and I’m curious to see how it grows in. Someone referred to you as uncle Fester and I kind of agree, though more times than not people are calling you your Papa’s twin. The other day I told your Papa that you look more like him as a baby than his own baby pictures look like him. It’s weird.
Your top left canine popped through. More teeth are on their way.
You have a bruise or scrap somewhere on your body at all times.
Eating: We had to throw out all the bottles because you chewed through all of the nipples. We’ve moved on to sippy cups and invested in the spill-proof ones, which have been heaven sent because you’re a fan of spilling your milk everywhere.
You’re much better with using your fork, but not so great with a spoon. We’ve graduated from putting food directly on the table in front of you and are now feeding you like a normal human being, with food on a plate.
You seem to be eating less than you were before, probably due to the fatty whole milk you’ve been drinking. Some days you drink a lot but don’t eat a lot, other days you drink and eat a lot, other days you hardly drink anything but eat more than me. I’ve learned to let it all go. You’re healthy, you’re happy, and that’s enough for me. I don’t take inventory.
You enjoy feeding Sarah and you ask her to sit (in your own language that she doesn’t understand) prior to giving her a piece of food.
You love eating crayons at restaurants but end up spitting them out most of the time anyway. 
Sleeping: You wake up ready to go every morning. As soon as I lift you out of the crib you are pointing and grunting at something. I don’t even think you know what you want to get to. Rather, you point first and look for what you want second.
When you’re tired, you stick your left thumb in your mouth and rub your head with your right hand. You look like a little monkey. We call this “the Carla”, named after your best friend who’s done it since the beginning.
Your schedule looks like this: Wake up about 8:30 (though some mornings as late as 9), nap around 10:30 until 1:15, nap again from 4:30 to 6, and go to sleep around 9. You’re a good sleeper.
You’re attached to your blanket. 
Talking: You say “hi-E” with a grunt and urgency behind it. You’ll say hi to anyone but most times people don’t even realize you’re talking to them.
You know where the cookies are and try, with all your might, to say “cookie”. Instead, it comes out as “coo-k” with some pointing, grunting, and whining.
You make this weird Darth Vader grunting noise. We always do it back at you and what follows is a weird Darth Vader grunting conversation.
You raise both arms, palms up to the sky, when we say “all gone”.
In your own language that only we understand you say balloon, car, dog, and belly. 
Development: You give high fives, which means it’ll no longer be awkward when a stranger comes up and puts their hand in front of your face.
You’re able to squat down and pick up a toy and stand back up again with ease.
You love trying to jump. You also do what we call “fancy feet”, where you stomp your feet in quick succession.
You follow commands and are a good listener. When I tell you to stop throwing food and to put it in your mouth, you do.
You are most always happy and carefree. You love to socialize and laugh.
You know where your belly is and happily lift your shirt up to show us that lil’ gut of yours. You’re learning where your eyes and nose are too and you like to point to them.
You love to look at books, but only certain books and you whine each time until you get to the one page you want to look at over and over again. The way you back up to sit in my lap to be read to pulls at my heart strings. Sometimes I grab your little chunk legs so hard I think I’m going to hurt you. You’re just so yummy. This is such a fun phase you’re in right now.
Favorites: You love the days the gardeners come and you’ll stand at the window saying “hi-E” to them over and over.
There is one particular touch and feel book that you love. It’s an Easter book and you love the page with the sparkly eggs on it. You look at it over and over and always flip back to that page to run your fingers over those glittered eggs.
You’re at the stage where my keys and phone are always on your “must have” list.

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First Haircut

I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better. -Maya Angelou
We can’t bring ourselves to cut Hooper’s hair despite the fact the poor kid can hardly see with all those blond locks constantly hanging in his face. We like his hair and, truth be told, we’re attached to it. We’re waiting for the day we can finally stick it behind his ears. Nevermind those baby hairs underneath it all that have yet to grow.
Van lost hair as a newborn and, as a result, his hair was longer in some areas and shorter in others. I won’t even mention the weird kinky texture of his hair or else you may start asking me questions about who his daddy is.
So we decided to shave his head in hopes it would all grow in evenly. Because next thing you know, he’ll be two with long blond locks and we’ll we be fighting back emotional ties anytime the thought of cutting it gets thrown out on the table.
And just like that, there’s a little ziplock baggy of dirty blond hair tucked away in his baby book with “first haircut” scribbled on a post-it.
Side note: Much love for everyones well-wishes regarding yesterday’s post. I want to clairfy, because I know the x-ray is gnarly, that I actually don’t have any pain. As in, like none. I have to have the surgery because my curve has not stopped progressing. It’s a structural

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issue, not a pain issue. I feel for y’all that do have back pain… I’ve definitely had my episodes. Wishing everyone good health. And, truly, thank again. All your comments made me emotional…

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Van @ 13 Months

I’m late on posting this, but what else is new…
Growth & Appearance: You hair is on it’s way to blond and, like your brother, we’re toying with shaving your head in hopes that everything will grow in more evenly. Right now, you look kinda like a mad scientist.
You’re growing faster than I can believe. I do a double take anytime I walk by a mirror when I have you in my arms. You look too big to be carried around. You’re tall and strong and a definite force to be reckoned with.
There are shoes of Hooper’s that you’ll never wear. You’re currently in size 4 shoes, size 4 diapers, and 18mo-2T clothes. You have four teeth on top and four on the bottom and you hate having them brushed.
Eating: You love to eat. You go where the food goes. You’re like a dog, constantly begging. You’ll try anything, but your favorites as of late are pasta, bananas, oatmeal… who am I kidding? You love everything.
You’re starting to use a fork and spoon and get pissed when I expect you to use your hands. But then I give you a fork and then you get frustrated by your inability to use it as fast as you’d like. Nevertheless, you’re getting better and better and are actually able to get some food on the fork and bring it to your mouth.
We’re done breastfeeding and I have a few posts on my feelings about it that I’ll leave out of this post, because waaaaaaa. We’re still giving you breast milk I had hoarded away in the freezer, but when we’re out and about you do fine with cow’s milk too. You like to throw your bottle onto the floor when you’re done drinking it, causing milk to spill everywhere. You also like to chew through all the nipples. Nearly every bottle and/or sippy cup has been chewed through.
Sleeping: When we stopped breastfeeding, the thumb took over. Yup, that’s right, you replaced me with your thumb and you better believe that makes me feel like a million bucks. I lie. I mean who wants to be replaced by a thumb? It’s the funniest looking finger. In any event, it’s a tell tale sign that you’re tired when you stick that thing in your mouth. Before I put you down to sleep at night, I throw your blanket over my shoulder and sing “Hush little baby” and your head plops down on my shoulder and your thumb goes in and just like that, I say goodnight.
You have an attachment to your blanket.
Your schedule looks like this: Wake up around 8:30am, nap from about 10:30 to 1pm, nap again from 5 to 6:30pm, go to bed around 8:30 or 9pm. We’re looser with your nap schedule and rely on you napping in the car if we have plans to go out and do something. You can get by without a second nap, but with a shorter fuse in the evening hours.
Talking: You say “da” for “dog”, “dah” for “down”, “bir” for “bird”, “ba” when you see a “balloon”. You’re surprisingly quite easy to understand and despite your limited vocabulary, you’re a very good communicator. You use what we call your “gimme gimme” hand when you want something just out of reach or when you want more of something. In general, however, you use a lot of “da’s” with various forms of points and whines and jaw drops to make your point.
Development: You started walking a week after your first birthday and have not looked back. You’re able to walk long distances and able to recover your balance without falling a lot of the time. Between your brother and Sarah, you have quite the obstacle course.
You can jump when holding on to something. You like to hold on to the back of the sofa and jump on the cushions. A backward fall into the coffee table is in your future. You also like to try jumping on the bed.
You took your first good spill into the corner of a table and have a shiner on your right eye to show for it. Then you came home, same day, and fell into the coffee table resulting in a smaller mark on your left eye. These are those days, aren’t they? Helmets are looking safer and safer.
You love wearing shoes and are constantly picking up shoes around the house and bringing them to me to put on your feet. It doesn’t matter how big the shoes are, you clearly want them on your feet. You also like wearing sunglasses.
You can follow directions. If I tell you to sit down in the bath, you do. If I tell you to set your milk on the table, you will. It’s amazing to watch those little wheels spin and make sense of everything. Right now, you’re a good listener.
Favorites: On any given day, we can find you getting into the cupboard under the microwave where all the baking supplies are. You love grabbing the containers of sprinkles and carrying/shaking them all over the house. Fortunately you have yet to discover how to open the containers.
You also love carrying around your plastic scissors and a pen.
You still love your four wheeler. You also love playing with your brother. But, still, Mama is your favorite. And I’m not just saying that to butter my bread, you really and truly love me and would be happy as pie to spend the better part of the day in my arms.

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The Perfect Ending

You can’t always get what you want, but in the end you get what you need.
I spent the first days after stopping breastfeeding mopping around, declaring myself to be in “a funk”; Unable to enjoy things that normally excited me, unable to be truly present to my children. I’m writing this in past tense because I didn’t feel like writing anything but dark, sad, moppy posts like this just a few weeks ago when all the tears were streaming down my I’m-so-sad-I’m-done-breastfeeding face.
Willy and I had been looking forward to this weekend for a long time. We had tickets to see Willie Nelson at the Hollywood Bowl and plans to leave the kids at my parents for the entire night. But I just couldn’t seem to shake the post-breastfeeding-blues.
I can’t tell you when the change occurred but what I can tell you is that Willie Nelson played his Stardust album from front to back and it was beautiful. There really is nothing better for the soul than music, in my opinion. We woke up the next morning and went to the Rose Bowl Flea Market by ourselves and in the absence of the munchkins, we got to dig through buried treasures and stroll leisurely through the aisles. We picked up the kids in the afternoon and went to the Ventura County Fair. We rode rides, pet goats, ate chocolate covered Twinkies. And when we got home and put the kids to bed, Willy and I climbed up on the roof and laid there under the stars to watch the meteor shower.
And, just like that, my funk disappeared. It only took a country phenom, some time with my main squeeze, a ferris wheel, and a sea full of falling stars to shake it. But alas, I shook it.
Then again, it was probably that chocolate covered twinkie because, um, hello they don’t even make Twinkies even more. Hash tag: deadstock. Oh ya, and I didn’t have to worry about breastfeeding. That was nice.
Oh ya, and you see that little San Francisco shirt Hooper has on? It’s something I bought when I lived in SF years ago, before I knew my husband as my husband… when I had only dreams of motherhood. And seeing my first born in it now not only makes me one happy Mama, but also puts things in perspective. Life is good.

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